Jokes - Glume, Bancuri, Humor (3)

Geography

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
 

Geografie

Profesor: Maria te rog indica America pe harta.
Maria: Asta e.
Profesor: Bine facut. Acum clasa, cine a gasit (descoperit) America?
Clasa: Maria a gasit-o.

The driver

A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
"Go on", said the Scot, "Have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps", replied the Scotsman, "After the police have gone."

Soferul

Un scotian care se ducea cu masina spre casa noaptea, a dat peste o masina condusa de un englez. Scotianul a iesit din masina ca sa-si ceara scuze si a oferit englezului o bautura dintr-o sticla de wisky. Englezul a fost incantat sa bea.
"Continua", a spus scotianul, "Mai beti".
Englezul a baut recunoscator. "Dar nu vreti si dv.?" l-a intrebat el pe scotian.
"Probabil", a raspuns scotianul, "Dupa ce politia a plecat".

Drunks

A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here, too."

Betivii

Un om foarte beat iese din bar si vede alt om foarte baut.
Se uita sus pe cer si spune, "Ala e soarele sau luna?"
Celalalt betiv raspunde, "Nu cunosc. Si eu sunt strain pe aici".

Clean water

Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.

Apa curata

Profesor: Cum putem obtine niste apa curata?
Elev: Adu apa din rau si spal-o.

Courage

A student taking a philosophy class had a single theme on his final exam: "To write about what is courage".
The student wrote: "This", signed it, and gave it to the teacher.

Curaj

Un student urma clasa de filozofie si a avut o singura tema la examenul final: "Sa scrie despre ce e curajul".
Studentul a scris: "Asta", a semnat-o si a dat-o profesorului.

Responsible

A professor arrived late to the classroom and he found an unpleasant drawing of himself on the blackboard.
He asked the class joker, "Who was responsible for this atrocity?"
The joker replied, "I really don't know, but I suspect its parents."
 

Raspunzator

Un profesor a ajuns tarziu la clasa si a gasit un desen neplacut despre el pe tabla.
A intrebat pe glumetul clasei, "Cine era raspunzator pentru aceasta atrocitate?"
Glumetul a raspuns, "Chiar nu stiu, dar ii suspectez pe parintii lui."

Harvard graduates

Two young men who had just graduated from Harvard were all excited and talking about "how famous and enviable they will become", as they got into a taxi.
After hearing them for a couple of minutes the cab driver asked, "You mean Harvard graduates?"
"Yes Sir! Class of '94!" they answered proudly.
The cab driver extended his hand to shake their hand, saying, "Class of '58."

Absolventi de Harvard

Doi tineri care tocmai au absolvit la Harvard erau cu totul entuziasmati si vorbeau despre "cat de faimosi si de invidiati vor deveni", in timp ce au urcat intr-un taxi.
Dupa ce i-a auzit vreo cateva minute, soferul taxiului a intrebat, "Va referiti la absolventi de Harvard?"
"Da domnule! Promotia '94!" au raspuns ei mandri.
Taximetristul si-a intins mana sa dea mana cu ei, spunand, "Promotia '58".

Child reply

Finding one of her little students making faces at others, Ms. Smith gently reprove the child.
She said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, I would stay like that".
Bobby looked up at her and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

Raspuns de copil

Afland pe unul din micutii ei elevi ca se stramba la altii, domnisoara Smith la mustrat delicat pe copil.
Ea a spus, "Bobby, cand eram copil, mi s-a spus ca daca ma stramb urat, asi putea ramane asa".
Bobby s-a uitat in sus la ea si a raspuns, "Ei bine, domnisoara Smith, nu puteti spune ca nu ati fost avertizata.

Speed

The Policeman pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 65 km/h in a 50 km/h zone.
"I was only going 50!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar", the officer replied.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the policeman said, starting to get annoyed.
With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said,
"Mister officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."

Viteza

Politistul a tras pe dreapta o masina si a spus barbatului care conducea ca mergea cu 65 km/h intr-o zona pentru 50 km/h.
"Mergeam doar cu 50!" a protestat soferul.
"Nu conform radarului meu", a raspuns ofiterul.
"Ba da!" a strigat inapoi barbatul.
"Ba nu!" a spus politistul, incepand sa se enerveze.
Cu asta, sotia barbatului s-a inclinat spre fereastra si a spus:
"Domnule ofiter, ar trebui sa va avertizez sa nu va contraziceti cu sotul meu cand este baut."

Pray Before Eating

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Bob received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Bob, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to", the little boy replied.
"Of course you do", his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house", Bob explained, "but this is grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

Rugaciune inainte de a manca

Toata lumea era asezata in jurul mesei in timp ce mancarea era servita. Cand micutul Bob si-a primit farfuria, a inceput sa manance imediat.
"Bob, asteapta pana spunem rugaciunea", i-a amintit mama lui.
"Nu am nevoie", a raspuns baietelul.
"Desigur ca ai", a insistat mama lui, "Spunem rugaciunea inainte de a manca la noi acasa."
"Asta e la noi acasa", a explicat Bob, "Dar asta e casa bunicii si ea stie cum sa gateasca".